


Sometimes I Write in the Light of the Moons

by Father_Dusk



Category: Dungeon Moment Expanded Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:15:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27445468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Father_Dusk/pseuds/Father_Dusk
Summary: Fauriel's journal entries, starting at age 8 until she left it all behind her.
Kudos: 3





	1. 4260-GR-9

4260-GR-9

Kharis brought me home a book, this book, from town today. He didn’t say anything about it, I just found it on my blanket when I came inside from helping Nasi with the goats, they let me help feed the goats sometimes and I like getting to go outside, so I like feeding the goats. Nasi’s almost an adult, I’m gonna miss them when they turn one hundred. They’ve got four years left, then I’ll be the only one. I’ll make the most of it.

There was a pen next to the book so I guess I am supposed to write in it, so I will. Maybe one day it can go in the library, once I have a good story to tell. I know just the spot, right next to The Princess and the Flame, it’s my favorite story. I want to be like the Princess.

-Anori


	2. 4278-JO-13

4278-JO-13

I almost forgot about this journal. Olostara had come into my room and I’d thrown it under my bed. We’re not supposed to have books in our room, and I know it wasn’t a book but I was worried she’d think it was. I don’t know, I just didn’t want to get into trouble, I guess.

I was tidying up when I found it. I don’t know, it’s been years since I’ve cleaned my room, there’s not much in it but my shoes had gotten a little dirty and I thought I’d take my blanket when I took my shoes to wash in the river and I dropped one of my shoes and saw it, sitting under the bed, opened in the middle. There wasn’t anything there, this is only the second time I’ve written in it, but it made me think. I’m 28, how far into my story should I be? When does it get interesting? When do I get to the part that other young girls pick up the book to read? I guess Olostara will tell me when it’s time. She knows what’s best, after all.

I guess I should give you some updates, if this is the introduction to my wonderful story, to set the scene. My brother, Nasi, has turned 114 this year. They’ve got a new name, Isarrel. It means, one who does hard work, which they do. They’re really good with the goats, sometimes I see them from the window of the temple.

What else comes at the beginning of a book? There isn’t much for me to say, yet. My name is Anori Rhymluna, I live in the Temple of Rillifane Rallathil, the great god of Nature. My parents are named Delphira and Kharis Rhymluna, and my Grandmother is Olostara Rhymluna. She’s our Esurhim, she’s in charge of everyone here. She said one day when she’s gone, I’ll be the next Esurhim, if I behave well. I try my best. Hopefully I’ll be a brave and strong Esurhim, like the Princess and the Flame. She’s really brave. I want to be like her.

-Anori


	3. 4340-AS-31

4340-AS-31  
I’m sorry I keep forgetting to write in here, it’s been so long, hasn’t it? I’m eighty eight now, almost an adult. Nothing’s really changed, it’s quiet here. Isarrel’s a whole adult now, has been for a while. They don’t visit me as much anymore, I think Olostara’s given them more chores, that makes sense, they’re a hard worker. I just wish I had a friend, I guess. Isa was my friend when we were little, but they’re busy now. That’s alright, I’ve always got The Princess. She’s brave, and she’s strong, so I’ll be brave and strong and I’ll be like her.  
I’ve been trying to learn how to make fire, like her. It’s not easy. I’ve burned my hands a few times, but I think they’ll fade. I don’t want Olostara to see my hands if they’re burned. Not that she looks at me a lot, but if she saw she might get mad. I’ll just keep my hands in my pockets if I see her, until they heal. I don’t want her to think I’m not a good choice. I’m working on it, I’ve got this.  
Anyways, I’m writing today because Kharis spoke to me. Or rather, he stuck a note on my door. He’s a very busy man, I don’t talk to him a lot. But, I don’t get letters very often, or anything really. That’s alright, he made up for it with the letter. I’m allowed to go into town with him tomorrow, to pick up some supplies. No one ever lets me go with them, I’m supposed to stay inside, but I’m really excited.  
I wonder if he’ll let me get something to remember the trip. I don’t think he will, I’m not supposed to keep things in my room, but the thought is nice. Maybe I could buy a new book for the library instead of something for me. It’d be silly to buy something just for me, I already have my journal and my pen.  
Well, I suppose we shall see what happens, yeah? Maybe this is where my wonderful story will start. Page three is a good place, don’t you think?  
-Anori


	4. 4340-AS-31

4340-AS-31

Page three isn’t a good place. I’ve decided that, if this does become a story, I’m going to rip out page three. I’m writing it down now, because maybe getting it out of my head will help me forget it, but I don’t want other people to see it. Especially Kharis, or Olostara. Maybe I shouldn’t go into town anymore.

Was this some sort of lesson? Was I supposed to learn that my place is here? I think it is, I think I’ll just stay here.

I guess I should elaborate. We got to town, Kharis placed an order for supplies, and then we headed to the inn. I don’t know what I expected, really. He isn’t the type to walk around. Ah well.

There was a bard, playing in the inn. Luren. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that name. We watched the show, and I think I figured out the real reason we stayed the night at the inn. I got my own room, which I’m used to, but honestly I’m not used to sharing such thin walls. And oh, what thin walls they were. I don’t think I ever want to see Luren again. The show was good, but I could’ve done without the encore.  ~~Fuck you~~ I don’t like you, Luren. You ruined my trip, my one chance to see outside.

I’m glad I didn’t get a souvenir.

-Anori


	5. 4353-JO-24

4353-JO-24

I’m turning one hundred tomorrow, Journal. I’ve had you for 96 years, and maybe now you’ll actually get that story I think you were meant for. This should be it, this is where I’ll start it.

Maybe I’ll be able to help out around the temple when I’m an adult. I’ll finally be useful, get to talk to the other adults. I didn’t really like being the only child, it got lonely.  ~~ Nasi ~~ Isarrel will get to talk to me again, maybe I can help them with the goats too.

I don’t know what’ll happen tomorrow, what name I’ll get. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel, no one’s told me. I guess it’ll be like any other day, right? But, it doesn’t feel like that. I hope something happens, anything really. Do you think I’ll get chores to do? Helping with the goats? 

When Isarrel turned 100, Olostara put her hand on their shoulder. She’s never done that to me, is she going to? I wonder if her hand will be heavy. Or warm. None of the books I’ve read told me what happens when you turn 100. The Princess didn’t turn 100 in her book, so maybe my book won’t start tomorrow. Maybe it’ll start when I get better with fire. I’ve been practicing! I can make little sparks in my hands.

Oh, I hope Olostara doesn’t look at my hands. I’ve got scars on my fingers, from the sparks. They don’t hurt anymore, but I don’t want Olostara to be disappointed in how long it took me to get it right. I’m supposed to be good at things, but I’m afraid I might not live up to her expectations. She doesn’t speak to me, but I know they’re very high. 

I guess I’ll keep you updated, on what comes next.

-For the last time, Anori


	6. 4353-JO-26

4353-JO-26

Yesterday was my birthday. I’m officially an adult, and my new name is Lauvan. It’s supposed to be a proud name, one meant for a strong woman, a brave one who won’t let people down. I hope I can be enough for it. Olostara suggested it, and I thought it sounded good. It feels heavy, though, but I don’t know how to explain it. 

She touched my shoulder yesterday, Olostara did, when she confirmed my new name. I was greeted by each of my family members. I can still feel their hands on my shoulder, like a weight’s been placed there.

Delphira smiled at me, and she whispered to me when she put her hand on my shoulder. I didn’t know her voice was so soothing. I’d only heard it through the walls. It was very quiet, but I don’t think I’ll forget it.

I get to go help Isarrel with the goats tomorrow, that should be fun. We haven’t spoken in a while. Eighty eight years, really. Well, they’ve spoken to me in passing, but I don’t think we were supposed to. It’s our little secret.

Well, it’s time to get to work now, I guess. I don’t know when my storybook starts, but I want to be prepared. Like the Princess.

-The new me, Lauvan Anori Rhymluna 


	7. 4378-RA-2

4378-RA-2  
It’s been a while, since I’ve written to you. Not much happens here, and I don’t really want to waste pages. When my adventure starts, I want to make sure there’s enough room to tell a good story. I figured, still, that maybe until it started I could give you a good backstory, a good scene-setter.  
Life is still quiet, really. I don’t know why I thought it would be different when I became an adult, that it would somehow be a louder place, here. I help out as much as I can, but no one really wants my help, except for Isarrel. They always let me help them. Still, there are some things I can’t help them with, so I stay inside a lot.  
I’ve reorganized the library again. It’s something I do every few years when I’ve read all the books, trying to find a new order to put them in. No one else comes to the library, it’s like my second room, haha.  
The Princess and the Flame is getting worn. I think I read it too much, somehow expecting it to change. But I guess her story is like mine in that aspect. Stagnant.  
I know, it’s silly of me to wish I were somewhere else. It’s selfish. I have everything I need here. My books, my room, my journal. The goats. Isarrel. I don’t know what I’d do if I went somewhere else, really.  
I guess I thought I’d be helping more by now. My family, the world. Maybe I’m not meant to be the Princess. Maybe I’m just Lauvan, the elf who stays at home and writes in her journal by the moonlight.   
I wonder what will happen to my journal when I die. Do you think anyone will want to read it? If I die tomorrow, I don’t think so. Nothing interesting enough to read about has happened.  
I’m getting ahead of myself. I shouldn’t act so miserable. I’m not, really. I’m happy here, content with my life. It could be worse. I could be lonely.  
-Lauvan


	8. 4409-NY-28

4409-NY-28  
I went outside tonight, to write. The sky was just so clear, so bright and beautiful, I couldn’t help myself. I guess I’m impulsive, sometimes. I need to work on it, I know, but oh if you could see the stars tonight you’d understand. I can see her, the Mother, even through the trees. She’s shining so bright tonight, like she’s looking out for me.   
A selfish thought, I know. I don’t mean to be selfish like that, and I truly don’t believe the stars shine brightly some nights just so I can sneak outside and look at them. But it’s a nice little story to tell myself, that some things happen just for me, just so I can enjoy them. Like a few days ago, I went to go pick apples for Kharis, since he was going into town again and we needed more apples but he was too busy, so I got to go. And when I was out there in the orchard, all by myself, I saw a butterfly, and it flew towards me, and landed on a branch beside my hand. I know the butterfly didn’t come to the orchard just so I could see it, but for that moment it was nice to think that maybe it had.   
I wonder how that butterfly is doing. Has it traveled far? Do you think, if I could talk to butterflies, they’d tell me about the places they’d been to? If I was a butterfly, I think I’d fly up, high as I could go, to see what goes beyond the forest. Not that I’d ever leave, they need me here. But, it would be nice to see it. Just once.  
-Lauvan


	9. 4415-RA-14

4415-RA-14

Isarrel’s turned 250 a little bit ago. I’m happy for them, getting so old. Kharis has started teaching them how to make gifts, for the future. You have to start learning some day, to keep the family name alive. They made a little wooden ring. It doesn’t look great, and they laughed when they showed it to me, out in the goat pens. I hadn’t heard them laugh in so long. It sounded so relaxed, it was strange.

I don’t know, there just isn’t much to laugh at. I laugh, sometimes, when I read books in the library. But that’s quiet, and to myself. I didn’t know you were supposed to share laughs with other people. I guess I’ve never read a book with anyone before, so I haven’t had the chance.

They gave me their ring, the one they made. I told them no, at first, that they’d want to keep their first try to see how much they improved by the time they were betrothed. They shook their head though, and rolled their eyes at me. I didn’t want to take it, it wasn’t mine to have. But, they slipped it in my pocket, and now I’m turning it between my fingers as I write, and it’s nice to hold something someone gave to me. I wonder what kind of gift I’ll get when I get engaged. It’s years away, so I guess I have time to speculate. Maybe I’ll be the one to make the gift.

How do you know, though, when you want to marry someone? In the books I’ve read, the Princess shares a look with the Prince, and she knows right then that he’s the one for her. But, how many eyes did she look at before she knew which pair were meant to look at her for the rest of her life? Will I know, when I see them?

I’ve never asked Olostara about when she met Elren, or Kharis about when he met Delphira. Maybe Isarrel will tell me, when they meet their Someone. Or maybe, when I meet my Someone, I’ll just know. Or maybe I won’t, and they’ll slip through my fingers. But I don’t want to dwell on that, really.

It’s silly, really, to think about love. I don’t need it, I’ve got all the love I could want from my parents, from Olostara, from Isarrel. They love me. They treat me well, I couldn’t really ask for anything more than that. I have a home, a bed, a whole library to myself, and my journal. It would be selfish of me to ask for anything else. I’m happy here.

-Lauvan


	10. 4428-AL-17

4428-AL-17  
I’m afraid that I’ve become too attached to my library. I find myself too often, while I should be doing more productive things, sitting and wondering when that story I’d always wanted to write would start. I just thought, after all those years spent reading about people from faraway places, I’d get to see them someday, or at least do something good for them.   
I know it’s stupid, to think I was meant for anything bigger than this, my family needs me. I couldn’t leave, what would they do without me? I’m supposed to stay here until I take Olostara’s place, one day, and then I’ll get to make decisions, get to talk to people.  
Maybe I need to lock up the library, for a little while. I keep getting my hopes up, that I’ll go on an important quest one day, save someone from a monster, be a Princess. Besides, you can only read a book so many times, I guess. I don’t want to read them too much, in case they get boring. Elves live for so long, and I don’t think we’re going to get any more books. I’ve got all the stories I’m ever going to have, I don’t want to get bored of them.   
But maybe I’m supposed to grow bored of them, eventually? Maybe that’s why I’m not called outside to do chores, maybe I’m supposed to read the books until they bore me, and then I’ll be ready for whatever Olostara has planned for me. Maybe I’m supposed to learn something from them.  
But, I don’t think I want to get bored with them. If I do, does that mean I’ve become boring? If I no longer want anything more than what I’ve got? Not that I want anything else, I’m happy here, with my library. But I can’t help but wonder sometimes, if I’m supposed to want things, or if I’ll grow out of it. Does Isarrel want things? Does Kharis? I don’t think I’ll ask them, because then I’d have to admit that I want something, and I’m not even sure what it is I want.  
That’s the hard part about being inside so much. I’ve got too much time to think about things like this. I don’t want to want things, I want to be happy with what I have, because I’m afraid if I become unhappy with my lot in life I’ll be stuck being unhappy with it for the rest of my life. Because, surely, if I was meant for something else it would’ve happened to me already.  
I guess, what I’m trying to say is, I think I think too much about myself. I need to think about my family. They’re always so happy. I’m happy too. I’m happy. I’m happy here, with what I have, and where I am.  
I’m happy here. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I don’t want to be selfish.  
-Lauvan


	11. 4431-AS-12

4431-AS-12

I’ve fucked up. There must be something wrong with me.

I should’ve told you sooner, I’ve been locked up with nothing but you and my bed for a month now, I’ve been counting. But, I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you what happened. I messed up. I thought I was ready, ready to be the Princess, ready to do something with my life and prove to someone that I had something worth proving. I guess I didn’t.

I should explain, I know I should. I should write down my great mistake so that anyone reading will know what happened. But, I don’t want to. I’ve never said I did or did not want something, but times change, I guess. I don’t want to write it down. I don’t want to. 

I will though, because I’ve already sinned so much that I don’t want to add to the list. I don’t want to be selfish. I burned a tree. It was an accident, I didn’t mean to. But I did, and it’s done, and I can’t take it back.

I’m not supposed to hate. I’m supposed to be quiet and kind and respectful. But I hate that Princess. I hate her, I hate her story, I hate that I worshipped her my entire life, hate that all I ever wanted was to be like her. She ruined my life.

No, she didn’t. I’m sorry. She can’t ruin my life, she didn’t do anything. I ruined my own life. I guess this is what I wanted, yes? To get to travel. I get to travel now, so there’s that, I suppose.

My neck feels cold. So cold. Isarrel cut my hair yesterday. It’s so short now, I can feel the wind on my neck. Or I’m imagining it, I guess. 178 years worth of hair is sitting on the floor under my feet right now. All I’ve got to look at is my journal, and my hair. And I just couldn’t take staring at that constant reminder of my big fuck up, so now I’m here. Writing.

I’m leaving tomorrow, for good. Olostara decided that yesterday, right before Isarrel came in with the knife.

They did something strange, Isarrel, when they cut my hair. Their breathing sounded weird, and when they were done, they wrapped their arms around me. It felt so strange, and it made my throat hurt, like I wanted to scream something. But I’d never do that.

I didn’t know what to do with my arms, when they did that. I don’t really know if they knew what they were doing with their arms either, really. It felt so stiff, unpracticed. I don’t deserve their arms around me, but I guess it was a gift of sorts, a goodbye.

Well, journal, I guess this is the great beginning I’d been talking about for so long. I guess my story gets to start here, right here, with this weird feeling in my chest and behind my eyes and the first thing I want, which is to rip that book I’d loved for so long up into a thousand pieces and burn it.

No, I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t burn anything ever again. Fire isn’t something to play with. It isn’t a toy. I’ve learned that. These scars on my hands, they’ll be my reminder, in case I ever try to forget that. I’m pretty stupid, I might forget.

I don’t know what I’m going to do now. I leave tomorrow. Will anyone say goodbye? Or will I just leave, with the bag and the five gold I’ve been given? Will I make it out of the woods? Will I find a place to sleep the next time the sun sets?

I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know, I’ve never been on my own before. I’ve never been lonely. What am I going to do without Isarrel? I won’t have anyone to talk to.

I’ve never been angry before, and I’m not even sure if I’m angry now or if I just don’t have a word for how I feel. If I’m angry, what am I angry at? This is all my fault, I guess I’m angry at myself. For being so stupid. I haven’t been brave, I haven’t been strong. I’ve let my family down.

I guess I should tell you, I’ve lost my name, too. It makes sense, though. I understand why Olostara did it. I wasn’t deserving of that name.

I’m Fauriel now. Fauriel, the wanderer. Or am I lost?

- ~~ Lauvan ~~ Fauriel


End file.
